As some of you know, last summer I put for Brooklyn to host the 2007 European Cycle Messenger Championship. I had a surprising amount of crowd support, right up until the vote that determined that non-European cities could NOT host the European Championship.
I thought it was an unfair bias. Both London and Dublin have hosted the ECMC, both are built on island nation floating in the Atlantic Ocean. Just like Brooklyn, another city built on an island floating in the Atlantic Ocean.
After my bid attempt was shot down, Oslo, Norway won the popular vote to host the 2007 ECMC. I wished them congratulations and informed the crowd that I would be hosting a 2007 ECMC with or without the permission of the IFBMA.
Most of you thought it was the drunken boast of a sleep deprived, intoxicated fool, and you were right, regardless of this fact we are still forging ahead with the 2007 ECMC in Brooklyn, New York.
Welcome to the first ever European Cycle Messenger Challenge, a/k/a the first ever East Coast Messenger Chumpionship.
This will be a different sort of messenger event. Yes, there will be racing, showmanship, and constant one-upsmanship. There will also be singing, dancing, swimming, grilling, getting down with your bad self, and a five day long party that will mostly be a blur in your brain when it's all said and done.
These events have always been as much about getting to know the other messengers on the street as much as determining whose the fastest. We've determined that a million times over now. Maybe this event will determine who is the drunkest. Or the best singer. Or volleyball player. Or party animal. Or maybe it will determine nothing at all. I like that.
So, you, now go tell everyone that a Chumpionship determines nothing at all. It's just a big party, with some bicycle racing involved.
1.Checkpoints can be completed in any order. Anyone who acts like a jerk to checkpoint people will be disqualified. We mean it. Pretend it's the hot receptionist rather than the smelly messenger. Act like a jerk and you don't have a chance. Not even a little bit, your race will be over, and there's no chance you will ever getting laid ever again
2.Americans will be allowed to compete for the title of "European Chumpion" as well, provided that they wear nothing but brightly colored spandex from july 4th-july 8th. Exceptions will be made for duration of sleep, shower, or getting busy. There will be no exceptions during the race, at the parties, or at my house.
3. You race at your own risk. There's all sorts of roads, cars, trucks, trains, people, helicopters, motorcycles, scooters, thugs, pimps, and ho's out there. Take it easy, have fun, don't take stupid chances. There's no insurance, you play at your own risk.
4. Being a jerk in any context can get you disqualified. Be friendly, and don't get caught doing anything illegal. At least until Monday, when I go back to work, and then you can knock all of each other's teeth out.
All City Open Main Event: 4 hours. Open course. As many manifests as you can complete.
July 4th Alleycat : Top secret
Broadway Bomber Alleycat: Time trial. One end of Broadway to other.
European Idol: Our panel of celebrity messenger judges rate your karaoke performance.
Kegstand Trackstand: This is self explanatory. If you don't know what a kegstand is, click here. First you kegstand, then you trackstand.
Popularity Contest: Winner will be determined by signatures, addresses, phone numbers and business cards collected from other messengers
DJ contest: You bring the records, needles, and skills. Winner determined by ass shaking in the crowd.
Dance Competition: If you get laid, you've won!
Unicycle Alleycat: Start practicing now, closed course
Beach competition: King and Queen of the beach determined by points in an omnium of swimsuit, sand castle building competition, swimming, tanning and of course drinking.